AbstractThought on Xanga

So, this is my second Xanga "webjournal". Much of the same stuff. Again, published when I was still a wee babe of a man. Again, more whiney emo bullshit, from my "blue period". Again, big grouping of many different posts. Nothing really new. ...ONWARD!

• Tuesday, January 04, 2005

  Some Things Should Never Die (Like This Xanga) Here I am again, back and posting. I miss these theraputic rant sessions. They keep the thoughts and emotions from building up, from boiling over. Xanga is my headshrink, to whom I spill all I can't say otherwise.  Yes, I am back. It has been awhile, but seeing as how, occasionally, someone might accident upon this page, such as you, dear reader, I might as well keep it up and post on it.  The Facts (as of now): 1) I am no longer in college, as I hate it and should have never gone back, which I plan on never doing again. 2) I am unemployed, but will be working as my mom's secretary as soon as she opens her tax office. 3) In late April/early May, with the $1500 I will make working for my mom, I am going to move to Tulsa, get a job, and live on my own once again. 4) I am single, but hope to change that fact when I do move to Tulsa, but until then, I am taking applicants. Just email your resume and a short essay as to why you want to date me to korruptedharmony@occultmail.com.  See, even with my whole "growing up" and "planning", I still have my sense of humour. Oh my, did he say growing up and planning, in reference to himself? Why, yes I did. Scary, ain't it? Don't worry, I don't plan on changing much. I will still have my childlike wonder and outlook, my sense of humour, my not-being-seriousness, and all that, but without the bitching and having an actual job and being responsible and all that crazy stuff I don't really want to do but will do so that I'm not stuck rotting here in my mom's house until the end of my days.  Right now, I am sitting here, smiling to myself as I listen to music and think about Haley, who I just left a comment for on her Xanga and hope with all the hope in me (and that is quite a bit) that she remembers me and wants to be friends and all that. I know I'm not the best person to be friends with, as I am unreliable and all that jazz, but I'm changing. I am not afraid of change. I embrace change. It just sucks when I say I am going to and end up not doing, but not this time, damn you! With love, dear reader, I depart, for now.  End, as all things must.

• Wednesday, January 05, 2005

  Change Is A Good Thing After All So here I sit, tired and about to go to bed, but feeling the urge to post once more. So I have a nice going to bed song,"Under the Milky Way" by The Church, on repeat and I'm posting for you, precious reader, my sleepy thoughts. I was having trouble posting here, on Xanga, with Internet Explorer, so I decided to download Netscape Navigator. It is so much better, I love me for doing this. IE, you suck, NN, you rule. I don't think anything else has changed/happened, so I don't really have much to say. A few thoughts I guess, but nothing major. This song reminds me of the movie Donnie Darko. In fact, the first time I heard this song was watching that movie, and thus the reason I downloaded. And thinking about the movie Donnie Darko makes me think of Jena Malone. She is such a talented actress, and absolutely gorgeous. I would love to meet her in person, to sit and talk with her. She gives off this sense of being an easy person to like and get along with. *sigh* But I'm just being a silly little boy with a Holy Wood crush. I'm half-considering finding her fan club or whatever and writing a letter. At least I might get an autograph out of it. Probably not, but oh well. This brings up a good point. I have a very active imagination, and I live out alternate lives all the time. Fantastic lives, even in their simplest forms. Like the whole writing a fan letter to Jena Malone. It must have been the other day as I lay half-awake when I first thought of being a little fanboy and writing a fan letter. I ended up fantasizing, as it were, of her actually reading the letter and us becoming penpals. And that is a simple alternate life of mine. I've daydreamed of things from being penpals with a famous Holy Wood actor to being the toast of Tinseltown and all the famous people being my friends and asking me for my autograph and all that. Overactive doesn't begin to describe my imagination. Well, my cat is laying here half in my arms, half covering the keyboard, slowly slipping off the desk into my lap, and that means it is bedtime. Tucker commendeth, I obey. Sweetest dreams, beloved reader. Until the next time we meet, I bid you adieu. I think about the loveless fascination Under the Milky Way tonight

• Wednesday, January 05, 2005

  Bitch, Whine, Moan I am so fucking cold right now, and bored, oh so bored. All my XBox & computer games, been playing them for over two weeks straight, all my DVD's and LaserDiscs I've seen, and the DishNetwork is shut off because of the waste of money that is involved with the "christmas" holiday. My shitty internet connection prevents me from playing my beloved Counter-Strike, which I now have a legally purchased and working CD-key for. Oh, and I'm cold. Really really cold. But I'm lazy. I don't want to start a fire. I don't want to fight with my dog, trying to keep him out of the house while I haul filthy wood in to put in the stove, or have to deal with the upkeep of the damn fire to keep it warm so I don't freeze, not that that will really fucking matter seeing as the fucking thing will only warm the damn living room to any noticable degreee! With the money my step-dad makes, they could easily afford to put in central heat & air. Yes, I'm bitchy and pissed, but then again I can't feel my fingers or toes, and those are covered in socks and shoes. I can't wait to move into civilisation, instead of this ass-backwards hillybilly lifestyle I'm stuck in. I guess I'm off to start a damn fire.

• Wednesday, January 05, 2005

  When I'm Bored I Find Weird Things What Kind of Geek are You? Name DOB Favourite Color Your IQ is very high You are a computer geek Your strength is you actually have social skills Your weakness is electrons You think normal people are strange Normal people think that you are satanic This QuickKwiz by owlsamantha - Taken 165570 Times. New - COOL Dating Tips and Romance Advice! And I thought I was just joking when I said others thought me satanic.

  My weakness is electrons? I don't think that makes sense...
• Wednesday, January 05, 2005

  Boredom & Lists So, I am feeling better. I started a fire, so I am warming up, and my sister is to deliver me food. Not that I don't have food, but the food I have, chicken and ramen noodles, I have been eating for a month and half-straight (minus the bit of holiday feasting for the 2-3 days we traveled for Xmas). Anyways, I'm bored still, which isn't that bad of a thing, in all truth. But it does mean, dear reader, that I am going to bother you endlessly. <insert evil laughter here> Since I spend so much time listening to music, which I am doing right now, by the way, I thought I would list, like, a bajillion bands, so you get a better understanding of what makes me...well...me. Green Day; Nightwish; Elvenking; Tool; Metallica; Snoop Dogg;  the Crüxshadows; the Cure; Toad the Wet Sprocket; Candlebox; Silverchair; Tonic; Battlelore; Incubus; Seven Witches; Sopor Aeternus; Shadowsphere; My Chemical Romance; Coheed & Cambria; the Music; Cannibal Corpse; Gin Blossoms; Helloween; Jet; Thy Majestie; the Killers; Tenacious D; Candlemass; Senses Fail; My Life with the Thrill Kill Kult; Three Days Grace; the Bilge Pumps; Angel Witch; Less Than Jake; Underoath; filk from Khaos; Final Fantasy OST's/remixes; Stovokor; Stone Temple Pilots; Blink-182; Sublime; Westside Connection; Weezer; Taking Back Sunday; Rhapsody; Iron Maiden; Hot Hot Heat; Huey Lewis and the News; Hammerfall; Filter; Current 93; Blind Guardian; the Cult; Culture Club; Deep Forest; Enya; Blind Melon; Aretha Franklin; the Ataris; the Aquabats; video game music/remixes; traditional Irish/Scottish/Celtic/Japanese/Chinese/Indian/Bolivian/African music; Garbage; Peter Gabriel; movie themes/remixes; South Park; Atreyu; the Voilent Femmes; Weird Al Yankovic; A New Found Glory; A Static Lullaby; A Tribe Called Quest; AC/DC; Acid Bath; Ace of Base; AFI; Alanis Morissette; Alice in Chains; Alien Sex Fiend; Alice Cooper; Soundgarden; Apoptygma Berzerk; America; Atreyu; Stevie Ray Vaughn; classical (Bach, Mozart, Beethoven, Strauss, Wagner, etc.); Bella Morte; Bauhaus; Bad Company; Barry Manilow; Better Than Ezra; Billy Idol; Generation X; Big Tymers; the Bloodhound Gang; Cake; Bon Jovi; Butthole Surfers; Bush; Buffalo Springfield; stuff from other cartoons; Broadway; bluegrass; CellDweller; Caroline's Spine; Bowling for Soup; Christian Death; Chicago; Xmas music; the Rat Pack (Sammy, Frank, Dean); Clannad; the Clash; the Sex Pistols; Coal Chamber; Corpus Delicti; Coolio; Counting Crows; Cradle of Filth; Credance Clearwater Revival; the Dandy Warhols; the Darkness; gaming comedy (the Dead Alewives, etc.); Dead Can Dance; Dave Matthews Band; Demons & Wizards; Deine Lakaien; Depeche Mode; Slipknot; Static-X; Dishwalla; the Eagles; the Scorpions; Dropkick Murphys; Elton John; the Eels; Elvis Presley; Eminem; Enigma; NWA; Faith No More; the Foo Fighters; Gene Loves Jezebel; Goldfinger; Gordon Lightfoot; Gorillaz; Grave Digger; Guns N' Roses; Jim Croce; Hoobastank; INKUBUS SUKKUBUS; INXS; Ice Cube; Ice-T; CKY; Moonspell; the Mission UK; Life's Decay; Jimi Hendrix; Jonny Lang; Kansas; Kid Rock; KoRn; Lacuna Coil; Lake of Tears; Led Zepplin; Def Leppard; Letters to Cleo; Lock-N-Load; Lords of Acid; Love and Rockets; Luciano Pavarotti; Ludacris; Lynard Skynard; Manic Street Preachers; Manowar; Marcy Playground; Marilyn Manson; Marvin Gaye; Duran Duran; Deep Purple; Modern English; Morbid Angel; MuDvAyNe; My Dying Bride; Star Trek and Stargate series/movies scores; New Order; Dire Straits; Nina Simone; Nine Inch Nails; NoFX; Nothingface; the Offspring; Simon & Garfunkel; James Taylor; Peter Murphy; Placebo; Poison; WASP; Ratt; White Snake; Polaris; Powerman 5000; the Presidents of the United States of America; Puddle of Mudd; Queen; Queens of the Stone Age; Rage Against the Machine; Audioslave; Rammstein; Rancid; Operation Ivy; Red Hot Chili Peppers; REM; Saves the Day; Sevendust; Simple Plan; Sir Mix-A-Lot; Sisters of Mercy; Slayer; cowboy music; pirate/sea shanties; Spitalfield; Sponge; Staind; Jefferson Airplane/Starship; Stephen Lynch; Steppenwolf; Superdrag; Sugar Ray; Switchblade Symphony; System of a Down; the Temptations; the Four Tops; the Commadores; Tears for Fears; Temple of the Dog; ThouShaltNot; Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers; Daemonia; Tori Amos; Trans-Siberian Orchestra; Type O Negative; Van Halen; VAST; the Verve Pipe; VNV Nation; Voltaire (Oh My Goth!); White Zombie; Rob Zombie; the Donnas; Will Smith; Wumpscut; Zebrahead; Dovetail Joint; the Goo Goo Dolls; the Cranberries; ZZ Top; Wolfsheim; Nick E. & the Nightmares; Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds; Swarf Sisters; Bap Kennedy; Army of Halfwits; Andi Sexgang/Sexgang Children; Television; the Stooges; the New York Dolls; Iggy Pop; Velvet Underground; Nico; Patmo Sheeran & the Belfast Survivors; Beki Bondage; Blondie; E-Clypse; Tiamat; the Folksmen; Spinal Tap; the International Noise Conspiracy; 3rd Root; the Rasmus; the Smashing Pumpkins; Savage Garden; Iced Earth; the All-American Rejects; the Doors; Gothminister; And Also the Trees; Alien Ant Farm; Abigor; Blackmore's Night; medieval/Ren. faire music; Jethro Tull; Graveworm; MXPX; Pink Floyd; Black Rebel Motorcycle Club; the Misfits; Oasis; Jeff Bridges (yes, the actor); the Beatles and their solo careers; Wings; Afroman; Unfinished Thought; Simple Minds; Bachman-Turner Overdrive; 3 Dog Night; 3 Doors Down; Aerosmith; Nirvana; Jimmy Eat World; Vomitory; Bone Thugs -N- Harmony; Soda Ash; Tom Waites; the Wallflowers; Burt Bacharach; Lou Bega; Orgy; Carnivore; Black Tape for a Blue Girl; Ozzy Osbourne; Black Sabbath; Bal-Sagoth; BLESSEDBETHYNAME; the Church of Selene; Therion; Reel Big Fish; Chumbawumba; Strapping Young Lad; Our Lady Peace; Norah Jones; Ill Nino; Steve Earl; Nelly; Hootie & the Blowfish; Treblinka; TLC; T-Bone Burnett; Splendora; Satyricon; the Morgans; Skalette O'Hara; Minor Domestic; Gary Numan; Shroud of Tears; Clan of Xymox; Local H; Black Funeral; Foghat; Devo; Pitchshifter; Smash Mouth; Live; Gary Jules; EVITAGEN; Jesus Jones; the Spin Doctors; David Bowie; Covenant; the Eurythmatics; Eve 6; Mandragora Screams; Lostprophets; Fall Out Boy; Burning Brides; Evanescence; Prodigy; Semisonic; Psychopomps; Black Flag; Mudhoney; the Youngbloods; Sister Hazel; Seven Mary Three; Diary of Dreams; Gobblehoof; Girls Under Glass; Taproot; Godsmack; Ben Folds Five; Days of the New; Fuel; Big Electric Cat; Black Atmosphere; Brotherhood of Pagans; Children on Stun; Rosetta Stone; Ex-Voto; Executive Slacks; Fahrenheit 451; Midnight Configurationl; the Wake; 45 Grave; Gitane Demone; Ikon; Kommunity FK; Mephisto Walz; Nosferatu; Red Lorry, Yellow Lorry; Screams for Tina; Two Witches; Usherhouse; Queensryche; Fat Boy Slim; MC Hammer; Dog's Eye View; Steeleye Span; Spineshank; Nile; Bile; the Vines; the Hives; A Perfect Circle; Dio; Drain STH; Third Eye Blind; Tiger Army; Reverand Horton Heat; Cypress Hill; Pressurehed; the Swans; the Unicorns; Cocteau Twins; Morrissey; Souixsee and the Banshees; Survivor; Foreigner; Jane's Addiction; Porno for Pyros; Bob Marley; Ziggy Marley; Frank Zappa; the Rolling Stones; Ch'Uwa Yacu Bolivia Told you I would list a bajillion bands. And that is only a small list, in comparison to what I don't have on my playlist. Yeah, that was pointless, but it wasted a few hours and I wasn't bored when I was doing it. Now is food time, my dear reader, and your humble narrator is starving. But he will return, I promise. If you read all of that, I'm sorry you are so bored, both from before, the reason you read it all, and after, from reading it.

  A bajillion bands, yo. And the list has expanded in the last 7 years. Scary.
• Thursday, January 06, 2005

  I Loved You My Lady My lady D'Arbanville why do you sleep so still? I'll wake you tomorrow and you will be my fill. I love this song. It's originally by Cat Stevens, but the version I have is by Minor Domestic, off of some compilation album. I don't really have anything to say. I just wanted to say that. But since I am here, I can probably talk about something. I'm starting to feel like shit again. I was feeling better for a few days, but my sinuses are draining, and just the simple act of breathing causes me to start coughing. My mouth has a metallic taste in it, I can't breath through my nose, and my throat and chest hurt from coughing. And my head as well. Which causes my eyes to hurt. I know I'm bitching, but I have a reason too dammit! I'm sick, even though it is nothing more than a cold. I wish you could cure colds. Actually, what I wish is that my mom would get her ass home so I can go into town and buy some of that cold and sinus Tylenol or something, and get some cough syrup, and all that good drug-ness. All this coughing, I feel like I'm going to puke, and my throat feels tight even though I have stretched out the neck of this shirt so that it isn't even touching my neck, and I'm keeping my head tilted up so that my throat is more open. I should go to sleep, so that I am nice and warm snuggled under my blanket. I've taken to sleeping in the recliner. I sleep better on my back, and if I am in a chair, that assures I won't roll onto my side during the night. It's hard to sleep on my back on just a bed unless I have, like, twenty pillows surrounding me, or if I sink into an underinflated air mattress. I have sleep apnea, when not sleeping on my back. I know that doesn't make sense, but if am sleeping on my side or stomach I will wake up 5-10 times a night, sometimes short of breath. And I dream less when sleeping on my back. Or rather, I don't remember my dreams as much. And my snoring is less likely to wake me up. Yes, I wake myself up with my own snoring, but that is mainly when I am sitting at a desk or something, sitting up and falling asleep, in other words, or when I am only half-awake/half-asleep. Wow, I'm turning out to be more and more of a catch the more I type. <insert obvious sarcasm here> Ok, really, I'm going now. I only hope I feel better in morning, and you as well, dear reader. Even if you are doing excellent, it is always good when things get better, and no matter how awesome things are, things can always get better. With love and wishes of well being, I depart. Guten nacht. This rose will never die...

And there is part 2 in my "Blogs of Yesteryear" posts. Early 2005 in the span of 3 days.

~~This Samm will never die...