I got about three hours sleep. Now I am up. Have been about 2 hours. I'm trying to organise stuff on my hard drives and clear up some space because I am dangerously low. I'm just not into it though. *sigh* I just need more external drives...
Ray Johnny and Krystal and Ben and Hendrix and Cailyn are coming down this week. It's been almost a month since my niece was born and I've got to see her. They'll be in Tulsa most of the time. Krystal just said it might not be until Tuesday they come down here to Sallisaw. I don't know if I can wait!
It doesn't feel like a Sunday. And it's cold. Stupid late winter weather. Maybe I'll try and go get some more sleep so I can stay awake when Stephen comes over. Who knows...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Weeds
I really don't have anything to write about. Mainly I'm just procrastinating because I don't want to do other stuff, like work on my D&D campaign or wash laundry. Maybe I should just go lay down and try to get some sleep. I didn't really sleep last night. I lay down and couldn't sleep. So I stayed up watching NCIS on the DVR and then season 6 of Weeds, which I recently downloaded. Season 6 really brought the series back around and made it enjoyable again. I'm looking forward to what happens next. Anyways, so I got about an hour sleep before Steven came over, then I was up again after he left. Though, I did start to watch more recorded TV and got about 3 hours snoozing on the couch. I'm still tired though. I don't know. I really need to make some maps and notes for the game...laundry I'll do when I wake up. *shrug*
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Damn You, Galactus!
Today I watched 2 new movies (The Voyage of the Dawn Treader and The Switch), and didn't see the end of either. I must have been really tired, since I kept passing out watching them. I'll just spend some time later at my computer and skip ahead to what I saw and finish them.
Right now, my hands are cramping, especially my right hand. I've been playing videogames for the last, oh, 4 or so hours. First was Homefront, an FPS in which Koreans have conquered the US in the 2020's, and you join the resistance and get to shoot Commies. Shooting Commies is always a good thing. And then I was playing Marvel vs. Capcom 3, the main reason for my hand cramps. Fighting games always do that to me.
So I'm gonna go have some dinner, watch Sunday night cartoons, and soak my hand in hot water.
Right now, my hands are cramping, especially my right hand. I've been playing videogames for the last, oh, 4 or so hours. First was Homefront, an FPS in which Koreans have conquered the US in the 2020's, and you join the resistance and get to shoot Commies. Shooting Commies is always a good thing. And then I was playing Marvel vs. Capcom 3, the main reason for my hand cramps. Fighting games always do that to me.
So I'm gonna go have some dinner, watch Sunday night cartoons, and soak my hand in hot water.
Friday, March 18, 2011
All My Favourite Things
I have determined to try and write at least one post a day. I forgot yesterday, but since I double-posted on Day 1 of The Blog, I'll use it as an excuse to miss. Anyways, I was thinking about great services and inventions the other day, so I have compiled a list of some of my favourite services/inventions/programs invented/improved since I was born...so 28 year span. And I'm not going to be talking about things like personal computing and cell technology, I'm going to talk about things that I love that makes my life personally more awesome. I don't know how many things are going into this list, so I have no idea how long it will be. I'll try not to prattle on as I have wont to do. Also, these aren't in any order, such as awesomest to least awesomest or anything. They are just listed as I think of them.
* GameFly! Ho-ly shit. I love GameFly. If GameFly were a woman, I would make it my bride. Renting games has always been a hassle. It costs to much, all the new games are never in, you have to drive to town, stupid due dates... With GameFly, all these things are no longer a problem. Sure, I still have to pay, but $25.00 a month for 2 games out with unlimited rental time is way cheaper than $8/game/5-day rental. And they come to my mailbox. And if I am smart and paying attention, I can have new games on or even sometimes before their official street date release. I love GameFly!
* BitTorrent! For those that don't know, I'm a pirate. I believe in the freedom to own information...for free. Because I'm generally poor, since I don't work and all that. So I download what I want off the internet. Movies, music, books, etc. All of it. And then along came torrent files, and my downloading activities became a thing of simplistic beauty. Now I can pause or stop big downloads if I wish to do something else, then continue them again later. If there is a large file with a bunch of other files in it, I can generally pick and choose which ones I want, leading to optimised disk space and download times.
* .cbr/.cbz and C-Display! I am a huge comic nerd. I love comics. I hate being poor and not being to pay for comics. But now, I don't have too! I can just find scanned in comics and download them. And with C-Display and it's formats, I don't have to flip through several images in some standard viewer. It has options that allows me to view multiple pages, multiple buttons to flip pages, I can zoom in and out... Yeah. I may hate reading books on my computer, but until I find an eReader that allows C-Display, I don't mind reading comics on my computer. At least I'm getting to read them.
* eReaders! OMG, I love my eReader. Best. Gift. Ever. Again, money, poor, can't buy, so now I can just download books, put them on my eReader (I have a Big Lot's slicK.) and just take them with me where ever I go. It's alot more handy than trying to take my computer to bed with me.
* DVR! I hate commercials, plus, I'm bad with schedules. Throw in the fact that TV usually zonks me out, and watching nightly shows is just a bad idea for me. Now, I just set up my programs to record, and come back later to watch them. Oh, and I can fast forward through commercials!
That is all I can think of right now, plus I have a new game in from GameFly and its siren call is luring me away.
* GameFly! Ho-ly shit. I love GameFly. If GameFly were a woman, I would make it my bride. Renting games has always been a hassle. It costs to much, all the new games are never in, you have to drive to town, stupid due dates... With GameFly, all these things are no longer a problem. Sure, I still have to pay, but $25.00 a month for 2 games out with unlimited rental time is way cheaper than $8/game/5-day rental. And they come to my mailbox. And if I am smart and paying attention, I can have new games on or even sometimes before their official street date release. I love GameFly!
* BitTorrent! For those that don't know, I'm a pirate. I believe in the freedom to own information...for free. Because I'm generally poor, since I don't work and all that. So I download what I want off the internet. Movies, music, books, etc. All of it. And then along came torrent files, and my downloading activities became a thing of simplistic beauty. Now I can pause or stop big downloads if I wish to do something else, then continue them again later. If there is a large file with a bunch of other files in it, I can generally pick and choose which ones I want, leading to optimised disk space and download times.
* .cbr/.cbz and C-Display! I am a huge comic nerd. I love comics. I hate being poor and not being to pay for comics. But now, I don't have too! I can just find scanned in comics and download them. And with C-Display and it's formats, I don't have to flip through several images in some standard viewer. It has options that allows me to view multiple pages, multiple buttons to flip pages, I can zoom in and out... Yeah. I may hate reading books on my computer, but until I find an eReader that allows C-Display, I don't mind reading comics on my computer. At least I'm getting to read them.
* eReaders! OMG, I love my eReader. Best. Gift. Ever. Again, money, poor, can't buy, so now I can just download books, put them on my eReader (I have a Big Lot's slicK.) and just take them with me where ever I go. It's alot more handy than trying to take my computer to bed with me.
* DVR! I hate commercials, plus, I'm bad with schedules. Throw in the fact that TV usually zonks me out, and watching nightly shows is just a bad idea for me. Now, I just set up my programs to record, and come back later to watch them. Oh, and I can fast forward through commercials!
That is all I can think of right now, plus I have a new game in from GameFly and its siren call is luring me away.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
They Say It's Control Issues...
So, as it turns out, I was diagnosed with an eating disorder. I have non-purging type bulimia nervosa. Pretty much what happens is I starve myself for periods at a time, then binge eat to deal with the hunger pains. Then the cycle starts over again. For awhile now, I have had this under control. I just make sure I eat 3 meals a day whether I am hungry or not. Lately though, I find myself lapsing into my old ways. It's an unconscious thing. My therapist said it had to do with control issues, that the only thing I felt I had control over was when I ate. All I know is that it is annoying that I can't remember to friggin' eat when I wake up, that I get so distracted doing other things that my mind wanders away from food until my stomach is aching from not eating. I have been controlling part of it. I have been avoiding binge eating, even if I still feel hungry after eating my breakfast meal, and then eating 2 more meals throughout my waking day. I just worry that if I can't get my lack of attention under control I may go back to my old ways of not eating for a day or two, then gorging myself unto sickness. I guess they don't call it a disorder for nothing though...
Nebulous Meanderings
Sometimes thoughts come to me unbidden. Rare are these that are of the mundane and everyday. Most often than not, they are weird, fantastical, even grotesque in nature. They just find their way into my brain, as though on wisps of ethereal air blown through my mental netting.
"Would a reverse mermaid be able to breathe air?" "What does horse/dog/cat/human/turtle taste like?" "Are carrots sentient and does it hurt them to be pulled from the ground?"
Sometimes I tune into thoughts or conversations in the middle, like waking into a dream. I don't know how I got there, but I am there now, the beginning being the middle and seeming natural. Of course, I cannot leave these thoughts unthought, so I track down the rest of the story, listening to ending or making it up myself. Occasionally I backtrack, trying to imagine what the first was like, what led to the strange mid-thought thought.
The question then comes to me, "Am I hearing thoughts that surface from the black abysmal depths of my unknown subconscious, or are these things I am thinking about at the back of my waking mind, and only just now paying attention to what I am thinking?"
Occasionally a thought is so wonderful or hilarious or even curious enough that I forget myself for awhile and follow it down the yellow brick road of my imagination, forming for it a prize story. But I've already talked about that, and repeating oneself is either for crazy people or parents, which are usually crazy anyways, at least with children like me around.
"Would a reverse mermaid be able to breathe air?" "What does horse/dog/cat/human/turtle taste like?" "Are carrots sentient and does it hurt them to be pulled from the ground?"
Sometimes I tune into thoughts or conversations in the middle, like waking into a dream. I don't know how I got there, but I am there now, the beginning being the middle and seeming natural. Of course, I cannot leave these thoughts unthought, so I track down the rest of the story, listening to ending or making it up myself. Occasionally I backtrack, trying to imagine what the first was like, what led to the strange mid-thought thought.
The question then comes to me, "Am I hearing thoughts that surface from the black abysmal depths of my unknown subconscious, or are these things I am thinking about at the back of my waking mind, and only just now paying attention to what I am thinking?"
Occasionally a thought is so wonderful or hilarious or even curious enough that I forget myself for awhile and follow it down the yellow brick road of my imagination, forming for it a prize story. But I've already talked about that, and repeating oneself is either for crazy people or parents, which are usually crazy anyways, at least with children like me around.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Forgetting Oneself
For moments in my life, I forget who I am. I have never had a strong grasp on reality, on the here and now. Time and distance elude me. But in those moments when I am not me, at least not the real me, all of space and time are within my grasp.
Within my mind, I find I am many things. I child full of wonderment, excited to see the world for the first time. A father, grandfather, husband, provider, caretaker. A man of influence and renown. I forget who I am and live who I want to be. I find myself doing this many times a day. Imagining what could have been, what would be, mayhap even what should be. And then reality invades again, and I forget these other things, only to dream them back into existence later.
Many times I lose the world of reality to that of fantasy. I have always been a fan of the fantastic, a great lover of fantasy and science-fiction prose. And in mine mind, I have an infinite number of worlds, each teeming with life and swirling to life out of the general haze of consciousness. These are not my worlds, my lives, my would-be realities. These are the stories of others, men, women, beings, begging to be told, whispering unto me the secrets they hold in their hearts and minds. And I see it all, as though some mythological god, omniscient to their realities.
Despite my penchant for making up such wonderments, I am unable to put them to paper. Call it short attention span, call it inability to write prolonged works effectively, the truth is, I am unable. Were I able, I like to think I could be published, eventually having my works displayed alongside such idols as Stephen King, George R.R. Martin, Robert Jordan, etc., etc. But there I go again, forgetting who I am and thinking on what I could be.
But then again, who doesn't dream of such things now and then?
Within my mind, I find I am many things. I child full of wonderment, excited to see the world for the first time. A father, grandfather, husband, provider, caretaker. A man of influence and renown. I forget who I am and live who I want to be. I find myself doing this many times a day. Imagining what could have been, what would be, mayhap even what should be. And then reality invades again, and I forget these other things, only to dream them back into existence later.
Many times I lose the world of reality to that of fantasy. I have always been a fan of the fantastic, a great lover of fantasy and science-fiction prose. And in mine mind, I have an infinite number of worlds, each teeming with life and swirling to life out of the general haze of consciousness. These are not my worlds, my lives, my would-be realities. These are the stories of others, men, women, beings, begging to be told, whispering unto me the secrets they hold in their hearts and minds. And I see it all, as though some mythological god, omniscient to their realities.
Despite my penchant for making up such wonderments, I am unable to put them to paper. Call it short attention span, call it inability to write prolonged works effectively, the truth is, I am unable. Were I able, I like to think I could be published, eventually having my works displayed alongside such idols as Stephen King, George R.R. Martin, Robert Jordan, etc., etc. But there I go again, forgetting who I am and thinking on what I could be.
But then again, who doesn't dream of such things now and then?
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